takeaway

the most important thing ive learned about myself from this internship is that i do not do well in non-team environments. i just cant seem to get myself to do my work unless i know the work i do will be contributing to the whole of the team. in order to do my work really well i need others around me off of whom i can bounce ideas and from whom i can get feedback without feeling like im bothering them and/or that im too low on the totem poll for them to listen to. at least i learned this now during a 3 month internship rather than during a full-time, salary dependent job.

so now we can put one requirement on the list of "things i need to have in my job in order to not want to plunge a fork into my eye": team-oriented environment.

something to strive for.

the design of this pamphlet makes me wet myself.

"In an interview with his younger sister, Doro Bush Koch, the president said he was forced to make several difficult choices during his tenure in the White House, but added "I darn sure wasn't going to sacrifice [my] values."" (cnn)

...but it isn't all about you. being president of a diverse country where the values are more varied than the colors of our skin means that in making decisions you need to consider more than just YOUR personal values. YOUR decisions affect not just the diverse population of the US, but the entire world.

i guess, for reasons of cognitive dissonance, i tried to ignore the sheer egoism and blatant stupidity of our president because, in my mind, there was no other choice in 2004. in order to sleep at night i needed to be able to reassure myself that the country is in more capable hands that it would have been if the ketchup heir won, and honestly to this day i stand by my decision.

but now as his term comes to a close, im realizing more and more how ridiculous a public figure he is and why foreigners have the idea that we're rich and dumb. hopefully the next 8 years will bring us an america we can actually be proud of instead of something we have to turn a blind eye to in order to live with ourselves.

symptoms of cultures shock...

taken from this source.

Sadness, loneliness, melancholy [check]
Preoccupation with health – multiple system complaints.
Insomnia, desire to sleep too much or too little.
Changes in temperament, feeling vulnerable-powerless [check]
Anger, irritability, resentment, unwillingness to interact with others [check]
Identifying with the old culture or idealizing the old country
Loss of identity. Feelings of inadequacy or insecurity [check]
Trying too hard to absorb everything in the new culture or country [check]
Unable to solve simple problems [check]
Lack of confidence [check]
Developing stereotypes about the new culture
Developing obsessions such as over-cleanliness
Longing for family [check]
Feelings of being lost, overlooked, exploited or abused [check]

at least there's an excuse, right?

hahahahaha...

i think japanese zoos may need better vets.

for thanksgiving...

i actually really really wish i was home. instead of wishing that though i need to concentrate on what i am thankful for, and the first thing i am thankful for is a reason to really really wish i was home.

oh how true...

"i love fall, and colder weather, but only if its by choice, because it loses its appeal the minute you do your first fishtail" (elise)

I FOUND IT!!!!!

the quote that sums up ergonomics perfectly:

"Ergonomic thinking considers the entire environment and how it supports and interacts with the human body. " (educase)

finally.

mother

ma.
how i love you
while you break my heart
because you don't.
power, control
all in your hands
though hiding behind the apathy
54 years in the making.

you give the love you never got
to all
except one
if you really love
you'll give the love you give us
right back 'atcha.

poops

father
unaware of how you touch
your silent power
making me better than before
letting me do
while keeping me close
baiting me with respect
and love.

regret
slaps you everyday
with every show and ashtray
understand i wish it too
but let it go
and follow through

something else is waiting
get off your ass
drop routine
and find it.

my own postsecret

i dont think about you that much any more, but when i do i dont feel anything, good or bad. i think my mind has blocked out any emotion tied to you because im ashamed that you made me feel the way you did. your unconscious behavior made me hate myself for almost a year and now im terrified to let anyone else in for fear i will go through it again.

the only thing i ever wanted from you was validation, but you are so damn self involved you couldnt even give me that.

postsecret

i think postsecret is one of the most ingenious social art projects of our time. it gives people an emotional and artistic outlet that can be shared anonymously with the world. it makes me think about if i have any secrets and makes me want to create cards for them, though not necessarily mail them to frank warren. theres only one side effect that worries me: should those secrets come out or are they better laying dormant in my subconscious, slightly bubbling to the surface every-so-often? im prone to being emotional (obvi.) and overthinking things, which makes me think the cognitive dissonance that keeps these secrets out of the lime light may be doing more good than harm.

something to ponder, no?

you never know what your friends associate you with...

"you were in my dream last night I ran up and gave you a hug at the salvation army" [kara capelli]

i would totally want to get a drink with...

bob greene. reading his articles just puts a huge smile on my face. hes so...zen in such a non-zen environment. i think we all need someone like bob greene in our lives. let me think if i have one...

another example...

of the importance of design.

i know nothing.

i realize i have absolutely no idea how the economy works and how this mortgage crisis is the way it is. i understand the very VERY basic concept of the mortgage crisis and why we´re in it, but my semester in high school of "gordonomics" and summer online economics course through tompkins cortland community college just haven´t given me the background i need to really comprehend what the fuck is going on. i need some suggestions on articles, books, and/or people to talk to, and though i dont know how many people read this, i would appreciate ANY advice, either through comments or email (sydney.malawer@gmail.com).

i would also appreciate any resources on our country´s international affairs history as well. i realize after reading this and subsequent comments that i have a lot ot learn on foreign affairs as well.

utilizing this strength

i have a very salient personal strength...im really good at convincing people to take action. im not saying i can convince anyone of anything, but i have a very provocative way of talking about things i like and convincing people to give what i like a try to see if it fits their needs. ive probably wracked up thousands of dollars worth of sales for moleskin. i know im the reason that about 30 people actually joined or went abroad through aiesec over the past 3 years and at least 200 people went to info sessions about it. i know about 8 people who over the past year got up the courage and did something they normally wouldnt do (dropped 700 bucks on a ticket to argentina, applied for that internship they are barely qualified for and got it, told that boy/girl the truth about their feelings, chose cornell over other colleges) because of something i said to them (i couldnt even tell you what i said, but obviously it pushed a button).

now that i can identify this strength, its time to use to my personal benefit. the next few months im going to try and figure that out...

august and everything after

i have this great feeling flowing through my veins. its that same feeling i get when i see a room clad in distressed leather furniture and 25 years worth of stolen library books. when i think of my dad's parents through the perspective of his stories. its a comfort, a release of oxytocin that i so wish to sustain but at the same time dread knowing it cannot be sustained. its the same feeling i get when i see pictures of people in love looking at each other when they think no one's looking. when listening to august and everything after. the feeling i got as a child when driving back from long island at night, new york city talk radio in the background, the window cracked to keep my dad awake, being half asleep listening to the rhythmic bumps of the tires hitting the throg's neck bridge. 

god i love this feeling. 

history

"The candidates are thinking about, and running for, history. While what they’re also running for, in a seldom-mentioned but curiously moving sense, is to become permanent signposts in the lives of millions of people they will never meet . Something, years from now, those people will use to recall where they were at different junctures in their own lives. Remember that trip we took to the football game, and you lost all your luggage? Oh, I haven’t thought about that in a long time– wasn’t that the year Obama and McCain were running for president?" (bob greene)

we´re living history here. this election is a make or break deal in so many ways, but what this article is talking about is putting politics aside and realizing this is history we are living in. it was future, is now present, and in some years will be past, a past some will look back and say "yea, i lost my house a few years back...when obama and mccain were running for president" and others will say "the first year i got to exercise my right to vote was when obama and mccain were running for president". it just goes to show that life goes forward, your present becomes your past, and your future becomes your present. its almost comforting knowing that this moment has now come and gone, bringing with it highs and lows, and will the next moment do the same.

as for me, i will say "i lived in colombia back when obama and mccain were running for president." now thats just cool.

realization

today i went to the feria de libros and was looking around at all the books and i realized something...i always gravitate towards the books on design. always. and surprisingly i know A LOT about design history and historical significance of modern architecture and furniture design (thanks to jan jenning's class senior year and paul's furniture studio) and i really like it. and then i thought to myself...why do i get such a kick out of this stuff?

its because these things are the tangible products of the designer's vision and creativity. some things may just look like a house but that house could have started a resolution or made a statement the changed the course of their society. so you know what? thats what i want to do. i want to build a design portfolio by taking some classes while i work the next couple of years, then apply to the design leadership grad program at cornell (i know i should diversify, but this program is the only one of its kind at the moment and its EXACTLY what i want), and go from there. i have the creativity to make a kick ass portfolio...now all i needs are the skills. 

ps: one great thing colombia has taught me is patience...which is the main thing im going to need in order to complete this plan. patience. 

what scares me the most.

"My hunch is that it was the result of outmoded attitudes and boneheaded budget cutting. Still, Ms. Palin has been governor for under two years, and she’s running for vice president largely on her experience as mayor of tiny Wasilla — a far superior credential, she’s told us, to being a community organizer. On the rape kits, as on other issues, she owes voters a direct answer." [NY Times]

honestly, all we want is an explanation because then we can base our opinion on fact rather than here-say. but after watching this, i dont think that explanation is going to come any time soon. THAT is what scares me the most. 

goals for medellin

i really want to work my hardest and produce real results for CINDE. i believe if i do that i can extend my internship and get an even more amazing experience. i just have to throw myself into it...no hesitation...no questions. 

aaaaaaaaaaaaand go.

localism.

so this is not a research based post at all. this is purely word vomit from my brain:

our economy is collapsing and its making me think about shit long and hard. how do we let economies get like this? its because the majority of us dont understand exactly what goes on and therefore see the problem as too big to get involved in. this forced apathy and helplessness is not only true of us on a national level, but on a state and local level as well. i just think about how ridiculous my hometown's schoolboard budget is (we've gotten rid of so many AP classes over the years and invested most of our money in sports and building parking lots) and how every year it passes because if it doesnt pass the first time things are just delayed and people just get frustrated and apathetic so they vote it in the second time. after talking to abbey's next door neighbor he brought to my attention why this is...its because the majority of my town is employed in new york city. this revelation made me realize that therein lies the problem; my town is a commuter suburb, a place for people to just live in their house, not be a part of or contribute to the community. so how do we solve this issue?

apply basic design principles to create a more localist society. redesign jobs structures so that the majority of the town's inhabitants are based in town, redesign neighborhoods to become sociopetal so that everyone recognizes their neighbors and understand when something or someone is out of place, redesign the city planning so that investment is made in sidewalks leading to schools and town instead of paved parking lots and wider roads. im not saying absolute localism is the way to go; there is a huge interdependence on large centralized industries for the livelihood of suburban communities. but we need to approach things differently so that we can protect ourselves and our communities when national plunders such as this bloody monday occur.

putting it out there.

i realized something today as i was talking to my dad about politics; i realized that im scared. im downright terrified of sarah palin and her legitimate chance of being in the white house. after reading more and more about her beliefs and vision for the country, i realize that how she sees the united states is not how i see it. thats all fine and dandy, but here is where the concern lies: 

(a) there is a one in three chance of her taking over the presidency in the next 4 years if the 72 year old mccain is voted into office 

(b) if she were to be in office, she has the potential to appoint supreme court judges that could very likely take away my right to protect myself and my future daughters

(c) she has rallied way more people behind her and her running mate than i really thought was possible

reading the following sunk my heart into my stomach and further perpetuated the sense of dread due to sarah palin's growing popularity:

A plea.

I was raped at age 18. I was not impregnated but had I been I believe I am owed the choice to decide on motherhood. Palin stands for the destruction of choice. She is a contradiction in every aspect of the word. Please do not elect this woman as VP.

Please.

-A. T., 19, Santa Fe, NM (womenagainstpalin)

i dont like standing against something. during the 2000 elections i did not believe the reason to vote for kerry was because he "wasn't bush" (i really dont want to discuss this election because that year i really felt hopeless for my country). that kind of mentality doesnt fly with me. i really believe in standing FOR things and tend to dismiss those who stand purely in opposition of something. but this issue is too important to too many people (not only women, but to fathers, husbands, and brothers as well) that i am taking a stand against palin in the white house. 

at the same time i stand against palin in the white house i feel confident standing for obama/biden. that allows me to sleep easier and not feel like our country is losing all hope. hopefully this sense of dread only lasts until november 4th.

too many low blows to be taken seriously

i finally got a chance to watch the GOP convention speeches, and you know what...

sarah palin's kind of a bitch and mccain is one of the worst public speakers ever. 

ps: i would just like to make known that i am not a republican NOR a democrat. i just say it like it is.

something to consider

moving to boston. i never felt so instantly comfortable in a city. i also know way more people than i realized, and all of those people are just fantastic and uber supportive. and so after i get back from colombia boston may be my place of settlement :)

ah ha!

american's spend 90% of their lives indoors. since there are over 300 million americans, thats a shit ton of constructed spaces. with that information in mind, chew on this for a second:

"The construction and operation of buildings generate half of all the greenhouse-gas emissions in the country...Residential buildings alone account for 21% of national energy consumption -- nearly as much as transportation (27%)." (fastcompany)*

ive known (due to assigned coursework over the past 3 years) that building construction and residential design has contributed significantly to greenhouse gas emissions, but WOW. developers, architects and designers have so much impact on the health of this planet its almost scary. so now we have more responsibility, but even more opportunity. lets take advantage of it. 

*this article is fantastic and gives an informative, well-rounded perspective on the eco-housing revolution, along with accounts from some of the most revolutionary architects. it also talks about the opportunity the housing crisis gives to the revolution, a "phoenix from the ashes"-esque school of thought that makes me tingle. 

everything's a'changin

david leaves for college tomorrow where he will experience that unavoidable "first day of freedom" awkwardness and simultaneous delight that makes you blind to people's faults and want to give your cell number to every person you exchange words with that day. 

wow. my baby bro is tattooed, pierced, and almost educated. i feel old. 

limbo.

im feeling really unsettled and lost. thats an obvious statement coming from a 22 year old college graduate who just moved back home for 3 weeks, the longest she's been home in 2 years. unfortunately this feeling of lost is much more potent than usual because im chilling somewhere between familiar past and "no fucking idea" future. i feel distanced from my friends from college, from aiesec, from ecuador, and i only have one friend from high school who is still living in my hometown. in other words, ive been feeling really alone. not lonely, but alone. the economic situation in the usa has really hit my family hard, leaving my parents both stressed and miserable and ill-equipped to deal with themselves AND my pending "no fucking idea" future. this makes me feel even more alone and unsettled. god i hate limbo...

but now shit needs to start settling. scratch that...i need to start settling shit within myself so that the external shit doesnt get to me anymore.

its time.

i leave ithaca in 7 days. ithaca, the place i have grown to love and appreciate over the past 4 years. the place where i made and unmade countless friendships and decisions. the place where i learned to open up and let people in and love, even if it can all turn to shit in the end. the place where i first tasted indian food and vietnamese veggie cakes and kale and hard cider (thanks arthur). the place where i finally let myself be me without paying attention to the white noise of others' expectations. 

to ithaca.

maybe i wont lose my mind...

"People who tend to overthink things might be protecting themselves against Alzheimer's, according to research presented on Wednesday by the International Conference on Alzheimer's Disease" (usa today)

it may protect you from dementia, but your head will explode before you reach that stage. trust me, i can feel years coming off my life every time i need to make a decision. 

in the past 36 hours...

i have sent some of the most ridiculous cover letters i could imagine these firms every seeing. its a risky kinda week :)

after a 3 day marination...

i dont know if i can forgo colombia just yet. first off this opportunity isnt guaranteed, secondly i dont know if i want to work in corporate america right now, and thirdly the us economy in general just sucks balls and i kind of don't want to be a part of it.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. thats my mind farting. ok im done for now.

oy yoy yoy...

the past 3 days have been ridiculous. 2 hours after i wrote my last post EVERYTHING shifted. i got emails from friends about 6 opportunities in colombia and an out of the blue phone call from an amazing company based in NYC, heller communication design. this phone call was warranted supposedly from a really ballsy email i sent them asking if there was anyway i could attend their good brand camp at a discounted price. little did i know this would lead to a job negotiation. since then i have spoken to the co-founder and ceo of the company and have a "meeting" next thursday after the good brand camp workshop. it is literally everything i would be looking for in a job in the US; small and intimate workplace, innovation, design, creativity, risk taking, and humor.

now what about colombia...

within the next 10 years i want to do something involving social entrepreneurship, innovation and cultural experience. i had no preference for the order, so due to the HORRIBLE employment situation in the US i had decided to do my cultural experience first, throwing some social entrepreneurship in there by starting my own project. now that this opportunity is potentially in the mix i need to sit back and think about everything...

but who knows? maybe after next thursday ill realize things with hellercd just wont work out for either them or me and i will be off to colombia.

until then, ill just focus on doing things that make me happy and continue to take risks :)

my own story

this weekend was somewhat of a life turning point for me. i have been going through a continual change process since last year, a process met with insecurities, indecision, inconsistencies, and many other "in-" prefexed words. but this weekend the change process completed itself with the purging of the one thing that has been consistent over the past year; self-doubt. a series of fortunate events (disguised as unfortunate ones) made me finally step back, take a deep breath, and realize everything i have to offer. i'm an original, a one-of-a-kind. my life doesn't need to follow a pre-used strategy or path nor lease one for the time being. me taking a year to work in colombia isn't due to laziness or delaying of the real world, it's in fact the opposite. it's a way to show myself that i can really just pick up, move out, and make it on my own. the things i will do in life will require resourcefulness, adaptability, relationship building, and an understanding of being a minority. for me, a year of making my own in Colombia will lead to the acquisition of these skills more effectively than working as an i-banker at goldman.

but that's just me. my story hasn't been written yet...i'm here to write it and tell it in my own way.

late discovery

this weekend for the first time i figured out how to use cruise control. not only did i feel a sense of accomplishment but i also saved myself a quarter tank of gas :)

what i learned today

strive for moments of tea.

at the japanese tea ceremony demonstration today the leader explained how we should strive for moments of complete peace with oneself, known as moments of tea.

i didn't anticipate any profoundness from a statement like that, but nonetheless i found it.

and now i shall strive for moments of tea.

this is what im talking about

paola antonelli's TEDtalk 

organization profile: GreenBlue

"To inspire a transformation in the design of human industry...based on principles found in the productive systems of nature...making commercial activity an ecological and socially regenerative force." (greenblue.org)

what: a non-profit helping to redesign industry by developing product and service design solutions, accessible resources, and human opportunities all under the idea of sustainability. yes you read that right redesign industry.

who: jason pearson, president/ceo; anne johnson, program director of Sustainable Packaging Coalition; topher buck, senior project manager of CleanGredients; whit faulconer, project manager of Green2Green

where: charlottesville, VA; info@greenblue.org

when: founded in 2002 as a project of McDounough Braugart Design Chemistry

why: to keep it short, shit is designed poorly to the point where it is infringing upon human survival. as if the fact that the north pole is almost completely melted away isn't indicative enough.

how: "GreenBlue uses design as a leverage point for effective action. Many of society's challenges are caused by poorly designed industrial systems ... systems that are providing alarming feedback at all scales, from toxic mothers' milk to holes in the ozone layer. GreenBlue asks: How can we design, prototype, and realize better products and systems? GreenBlue asks this question in specific contexts to reveal practical design and business opportunities.
GreenBlue achieves success through projects and partnerships. GreenBlue is recognized for its ability to convene stakeholders, establish ambitious objectives, and develop practical design tools and resources."

bump in the road.

so the traineeship in medellin wants me to start january...not july...so what do i do for 6 months? im trying to look at this as an opportunity rather than an inconvenience. some options are

() stay in the states, find a job and dont go to colombia
() go to colombia, try and find someone to do research for through cornell for 6 months
() stay in the states, sit on my parents couch, mope, get fat, and then go to medellin
() stay in the states, stay in ithaca and do odd jobs until january
() go to colombia, do odd jobs to make ends meat, start the traineeship in january
() find another traineeship all together

hey at least i have options :)

eureka!

so i finally got the words together of what i want to do in life: social innovation! social innovation "refers to new strategies, concepts, ideas and organizations that meet social needs of all kinds - from working conditions and education to community development and health - and that extend and strengthen civil society." (wikipedia)

i dont know why i missed this before, seeing as many of my nomad posts are about social entrepreneurship and design innovation.

when i get to colombia...

i need to network with social entrepreneurs asap, find some freelance gigs, and create a network. that is priority one.

page 1.

this is my new "brain toilet" if you will...i have no plan for it yet but i felt i needed to break from my other blog to really use it as a dumping ground. don't worry...my nomadlife blog will still be updated, but this one is more for me to track personal ideas and get feedback from the people that matter to me as well as welcomed strangers ;) plus through nomadlife i dont know how to access the same cool blog features as through just regular ol' blogspot.

i have about 3 moleskin notebooks going at one time, all for braindumping of different life genres. so here's to my new (virtual) moleskin, for my public dumping genre.